Chapter 2 The Merry-Go-Round

　　I come from the Wang family of Luangya. 　　My mother is the sister of the current Emperor, the most favored of the Empress Dowager, Princess Jin Min. 　　My aunt became the fifth Empress of the Wang Clan, and continued the honor of the Wang Clan as the "Queen's Clan". 　　My name is Ingenious Wang, and I was named Princess of Shangyang. 　　From the Empress Dowager to the Crown Princess, they all called me by my maiden name, A Charming. 　　When I was a child, I couldn't tell which was my home, the palace or the palace. 　　Since I remember, most of my early childhood are spent in the palace, so far Fengchi Palace still retains my bedchamber, any time I can go straight into the center of the palace, at will in the Royal Court play, and the royal children with the reading and playing. 　　The current emperor has no daughters, only three imperial sons, the only daughter of the empress dowager is my mother. 　　My aunt once jokingly said, "The eldest princess is the most beautiful flower in the dynasty, and the little princess is the most crystallized dewdrop on the stamen." 　　As soon as I was born, I was taken into the palace by the Empress Dowager and raised by her side, growing up in the infinite favor of my grandmother, mother and aunt. 　　The Emperor and my aunt had always wanted a little princess, but unfortunately, my aunt had only one son, brother Zilong. The Emperor seemed to love me more than the Crown Prince - he had a black beard and a pair of soft white hands, he would carry me to his lap to feed me fresh oranges, let me pull his robe and wipe my mouth; when he was reviewing his papers, he would let me lie on my back and sleep until my aunt carried me away to the phoenix couch in the Zhaoyang Palace to sleep peacefully. 　　I like my aunt's phoenix couch, deep and soft, trapped in who can not find me. 　　When my mother and brother came to take me back to the palace, I refused to leave, saying that we didn't have such a couch at home. 　　I refused to leave, saying that we did not have such a couch at home. My brother, who was very young and strange, teased me, saying, "Ah Charming, you are so unashamed of your shame. 　　Mother and aunt laughed. 　　"She cries so fiercely, I don't want to marry." Prince Zilong laughed evilly and tried to pull my hair again, but I waved my hand away. 　　I was only seven years old at that time, I didn't quite understand what a marriage was, I only hated that Zi Long's brother was always bullying, and said angrily, "I don't want to be the Queen!" 　　My aunt stroked my face, smiled and sighed, "Ah Charming is right, the phoenix couch is too deep, it's hard to get a good night's sleep, so it's better not to be the Empress." 　　A few years later, my aunt changed her mind and really wanted Zilong to wait until I reached maturity to welcome me as the Crown Princess. 　　The Empress Dowager, the Emperor and my mother all refused, my aunt had no choice but to give up, let the Emperor personally selected the Xie family sister. 　　Crown Princess Xie Wanru, talented and elegant, gentle and generous, five years older than me, I once learned the piano with me in Xie Guifei Palace. 　　She is the mother of the third prince, Zi Tantan, and is also the aunt of sister Wanru. 　　All of the Xie family have long, soft hands and warm, clear eyes. 　　I like people like this, while my aunt does not. 　　After his wedding, the crown prince's brother also treated Sister Wanru with indifference, and set up a group of concubines in the Eastern Palace. 　　No matter how virtuous and gentle Sister Wanru is, she is after all a daughter of the Xie family. 　　Auntie detested Noble Consort Xie, all the Xie family, and especially Noble Consort Xie's son, Third Highness Zi Tantan. 　　I quietly thought that, apart from my aunt, there was no one else in the world who would dislike Zi Tan. 　　He was such a wonderful person. 　　Better than the crown prince's brother and the second royal prince Zilu, better even than my brother. 　　My brother and I have been palace companions since we were young, and have grown up with the princes, and there is no girl in the clan who knows them better than I do. By virtue of the empress dowager's favor, when we were young, we were always lawless and playful. 　　And no matter what trouble, as long as you hide in Wanshou Palace, relying on the grandmother's arms, any chastisement will be far away from her, even the emperor can not be helped. She was like a cover that held us steady, so that we never had to worry about the storm. 　　At that time, the one who had the most ideas was always my brother, and the one who got into the most trouble was Crown Prince Zilong. The second prince, Zilu, was sickly and withdrawn, and was often bullied by the prince. Sometimes I can't stand to see the crown prince playing tricks on people, but also defiantly help ZiLu brother speak. Whenever this happened, Zi Tama, who never fought with others, would quietly stand out to protect me and be a permanent shield in front of me. 　　This gentle young man, who inherited the noble temperament of the royal family, had a light-hearted disposition, just like his soft and sensitive mother, as if he was born not to lose his temper over anything. Regardless of what others do, he will only use those clear eyes to quietly gaze at you, making it impossible for you to get angry at him as well. 　　In my eyes, Zitama was always the best. 　　Those carefree years flew by unnoticed like electricity. 　　Cardamom tips, youthful years, young urchins gradually grow up. 　　I don't remember when, brother and his highnesses appeared, always attracted the eyes of the palace women. 　　Especially brother passed by the place, there are always women hidden in the corridor behind the curtain quietly peeping. 　　Whenever there is a banquet tour of spring, those proud and noble daughters of the family, orchid heart clever makeup, want to win a brother to look at a smile. 　　But in fact, the world says, the beautiful young man in Beijing, Wang Lang in the second, and the wind is still better than one, it is the third highness Zi Tama. 　　Zi Tantan is the son of the Emperor, elegant, talented and extraordinary, but never like my brother as lingering in the daughter's look at the autumn waves - his eyes only stayed in my body. 　　What I say, he smiles and listens; wherever I go, he accompanies me. 　　Even the emperor laughed at him as a fool. 　　That year the emperor's birthday banquet, we toast side by side, thin drunkenness of the emperor raised his hand to rub his eyes, fell down the hands of the golden bottle, laughing at the side of Xie Guifei said: "Secretary, you see, the nine heavenly fairy boy down to the earth to give me congratulations on his birthday!" 　　Noble Consort Xie smiled gently and looked at us. 　　Aunt but phoenix eyes cold. 　　After the birthday banquet, my aunt cautioned me to grow older, men and women are different, it is not appropriate to get close to the emperors. 　　I didn't think so, relying on the Empress Dowager's favor, I still went behind my aunt's back to Xie Guifei's palace to learn the zither and watch Zitan paint. 　　In mid-autumn of the sixth year of Yanchang, Empress Dowager Xiaomu died. 　　That was the first time I experienced death, and no matter how much my mother tried to console me with her tears, I refused to accept this fact. 　　After the funeral, I continued to go to Wanshou Palace every day, just as I did when the Empress Dowager was still alive, holding my grandmother's favorite cat, and sitting alone in the palace, waiting for my grandmother to come from the inner sanctum, smiling and calling me "Little A Charming. ...... 　　The palace people came to persuade me, but I was furious and drove them away. I didn't allow anyone to step into the palace to disturb me, for fear that if they disturbed me, my grandmother's spirit would refuse to come back. 　　I sat next to the wisteria planted by my grandmother's own hands, staring blankly at the withered leaves falling in the autumn wind - it turns out that life is so easy to die, in the blink of an eye to dissolve in front of me. 　　Autumn light cold, through the thin clothes and sleeves into the body, I only feel cold, cold, cold fingertips cold, cold, no support. Suddenly there is warmth on my shoulders, a pair of warm hands gently gathered me - I actually did not realize when someone arrived behind me. 　　I was dazed, familiar arms from behind to embrace me, will me in his chest - his lapel sleeves between the faint fragrance of magnolia filled my world. 　　I didn't dare to turn around, didn't dare to move, blankly heard my heart beating like a drum, but my body was soft and lost its energy. 　　"Grandmother is gone, there is still me." He murmured behind my ear, his words sad and soft. 　　"Zitama!" 　　I turned and jumped into his arms, unable to hold back my tears any longer. 　　He cupped my face and looked down at me, his eyes holding a kind of ecstasy I'd never seen before, and the intimate yet strangely manly scent coming from his lapel left me at a loss for words - seemingly bewildered, panicked, and sweet. 　　"It hurts me to see you cry." He caught my hand and pressed it against his heart, "I want to see Charming smile." 　　I was stunned speechless, my entire body was about to melt in his gaze, from the back of my ears to my cheeks all rose to a sizzling temperature, so hot that it rolled. 　　A falling leaf fluttered down and landed on my temples. 　　Zitama reached out to brush the leaf away, his long fingers brushing up against my brow, and a little bit of marvelous wariness traveled through my skin and into my body. 　　"Don't frown, okay, when you smile, it's so beautiful." A blush came to his face as well, and he silently pressed his cheek against my temples. 　　This was the first time Zitama had ever said I was beautiful. 　　He had watched me grow up and had said that I was good, that I was silly, and that I was naughty, but he had never said that I was beautiful. 　　Like my brother, he had held my hand and touched my locks of hair countless times, but he had never hugged me like this. 　　His embrace was so warm and cozy that I never wanted to leave. 　　That day, he said to me, on earth, life, old age, sickness and death are all destiny, no matter rich or poor, noble or lowly, life is also why bitter, death is also why bitter. 　　When he said this, his eyebrows were covered with a smoke-like melancholy, and a vein of compassion. 　　My heart was like a spring of water flowing through it, becoming very soft and soft, and the fear of losing my closest relatives was gradually smoothed out. 　　Since then, I no longer fear death. 　　My grandmother's death did not make me grieve for long. 　　At that time, I was still a teenager, and I could heal quickly from even the greatest of wounds, but my ignorance had already grown in my heart, and I began to have real secrets, secrets that I thought no one else had ever realized. 　　Soon after, my brother entered the imperial court at the age of a weak crown, and was sent by my father to train with my uncle. 　　My uncle was ordered by the emperor to rule the river in Huaizhou, so he went there with my brother. 　　When my brother left, it was as if Zi Tan and I were the only two people left in the palace. 　　In the warm spring of March, the palace walls were green with willows, and the young girl, with her spring blouse and thin sleeves, called out to the young man in front of her... 　　Zi Tan, I want to see you paint. 　　Zi Tan, let's go to the Royal Court to ride horses. 　　Zi Tan, let's play another game. 　　Zi Tan, I will play you a new tune I have learned. 　　Zitama, Zitama, Zitama ...... 　　Every time, he would smile and agree to fulfill any of my requests. 　　When he was really frustrated by me, he would sigh in sorrow, "You're so naughty, when will you grow up and get married?" 　　I was so annoyed, like a cat whose tail was stepped on, I turned my head and walked away, "It's none of your business if I get married!" 　　Zi Tan's soft laughter came from behind me, and even after a long time, that laughter still lingers in my heart. 　　Other girls are reluctant to leave home for fear that after the ceremony of maturity, there will be a husband's family to propose marriage, and from then on away from their parents' knees, they have to go and serve their aunt with fear and trembling, and teach their children, such as Wanyu sister, who lived a dull and boring life - if it is the same man that you do not know in your whole life, facing each other night and day, and all the way to the old man! --If I had to spend my whole life with a man I didn't even know, until I grew old, it would be horrible to think about. 　　Fortunately, I have Zi Tan. 　　Both the Crown Prince and the Second Highness are already concubines, and among the high families, the only one whose status and age can match Zitama's is the Wang Clan's daughter. 　　On the other hand, only the prince can be matched with the daughter of the eldest princess and the prime minister. 　　His Majesty and Noble Consort Xie are happy to see Zitama close to me, and my mother has long since acquiesced to my wishes. 　　Only my aunt and father did not say anything about it. 　　Whenever my mother politely mentioned it in front of my father, my father always looked cold and used the fact that I was not yet an adult as a reason to skip it. 　　I grew up in the palace, before the age of five to see my father are not much time, and he is not very close. 　　Growing up, although I know that my father also loves me very much, but it is always more majestic, less intimate, but my father seems to be unable to do anything about it. And my marriage, as long as the emperor gives the marriage, is no one can disobey. 　　Zi Tantan is already eighteen years old, to the age of the consort can be registered, if not I have not yet reached maturity, Xie Guifei has already asked the emperor to give marriage. 　　I really think that time passes too slowly and I'm not even fifteen years old. I'm really worried that Zi Tan won't be able to wait for me to grow up, and that the Emperor will confusingly give someone else in marriage to him. 　　By the time I was fifteen, Zi Tan had reached the age of ten, and was already in the age of the crown. 　　I asked him, "Why are you so old? By the time I grow up, you will be almost an old man." 　　Zitama was unable to speak for a long time and looked at me with a crowing smile. 　　However, before my fifteenth birthday ceremony came, Noble Consort Xie passed away. 　　She was as beautiful as a woman painted in light ink, as if the years hadn't even bothered to leave a mark on her. 　　Regardless of how strong aunt, Xie Guifei never compete with her, and not proud of the favor, in front of people is always a silent and supple posture. 　　Only because of a wind chill, Xie Guifei's illness sinks rapidly, good doctors can not do anything. Can't wait for the spring of each year specifically for her from thousands of miles away from the tribute to the plums to deliver, and hastily passed away. 　　In my memory, Xie Guifei has always been weak and sickly, depressed. She always live in seclusion in the palace with the piano for companionship, even if the emperor's favor, but also rarely see her smile. When she was sick, I went to visit with my mother - she was bedridden, but her makeup was still neat and tidy, and asked about my newly learned tune ...... Mother fell into tears, and her eyes were haunted, just looking at me for a long time, wanting to speak but resting. 　　Later, I heard Zi Tan said, until the end of her life, she did not show a bleak color ...... only with a hint of indifference boredom, permanently sleep. 　　The rainy night, the mournful bells ringing long, the six palaces hold mourning. 　　Zi Tama alone in front of the spirit, long kneeling, his cheeks tears along the face slides down. 　　I stood behind Zi Tan for a long time, but he didn't notice until I handed him a silk handkerchief. 　　He looked up at me and the tears fell onto my hand, wetting the silk handkerchief. 　　The fragile icy silk handkerchief would become wrinkled with moisture and could not be smoothed out. 　　I used the handkerchief to wipe his tears, but he swept me into his arms and told me not to cry. 　　It turned out that my own tears were flowing even more heavily than his. 　　I snuggled up to Zitama's thin body and knelt with him for the entire night. That silk handkerchief was locked away in the bottom of my box, because the wrinkled marks on it were Zitama's tears. 　　Zitama had lost his mother, and he no longer had anyone to rely on in the vast palace. Though I was still young, I already understood the importance of a mother's family to a royal son. 　　Since my father's position as a prime minister, the position of the crown prince has become more and more secure, although the Xie family has the crown princess Wanru, but lost favor with the crown prince. 　　Although the emperor Xie Guifei love, the young son of Zi Tantan also extraordinarily compassionate, but also on the aunt has respect and jealousy - he can be in order to favor the consort, cold in the Palace, but can not easily shake the East Palace, the Crown Prince is the basis of the country. 　　The harem is the emperor's family affairs, the two powerful families in the courtroom fight, is the state affairs. 　　Xie's and my family used to fight against each other for many years, and my aunt's biggest rival in the palace is also Noble Consort Xie. But the Xie family in the end is to fight, they eventually gradually lost power - historically and Luangya Wang's competition, few good end. 　　Luangya Wang, since the founding of the country, has been the leader of the scholarly family, and the royal family for generations to conclude marriages, ruling the heavy power, the most prestigious in the family, the Hong Ru high scholar endless, the title leader of the literary style, by the world's admiration, is the world's first high family. 　　Since the Wang's following, Xie's, Wen's, Wei's, Gu's, the four great clans as the mainstay, the scenery of the scholarly family, has been extended to the period of Suzong. 　　At that time, the three kings seized the throne and colluded with foreign invaders to start a rebellion. 　　The war lasted seven years, and most of the elite sons and daughters of the scholarly family went to the battlefield in the heat of the moment. 　　Under the peace and prosperity, no one expected that the war would last so long. 　　Freshly clad noblemen only thought of riding the sands and building up a great career, but how many young talents ended up leaving their hot blood and fresh lives on the battlefield forever. 　　After the catastrophe, the civilization had suffered a great loss of vitality. 　　The consecutive years of war had caused the abandonment of farming and displacement of the people, and there was also a severe drought that had not been encountered for many years, and tens of thousands of people had died in the famine and the war. The sons of the scholarly families did not work in the harvest, and relied on farmland and rents to support their families. The families suddenly lost their financial support, and were no longer able to support their large families, and their families fell into disrepair in a single night. 　　In a time of chaos, military generals of humble origins, however, have risen to military success on the battlefield and quickly grasped military power. The humble military men who used to be despised gradually approached the peak of power, and were separated from the families. 　　That era of splendor and prosperity was finally gone. 　　After decades of fighting, each family lost, and their power was constantly being swallowed up. In the end, there are only a few families left, such as Wang Xie Gu Wen, who fight against martial artists outside, but also fight inside, especially Wang Xie and his two clans have the deepest grudges. 　　Wang's family is huge, from the Langya hometown to the capital court, from the palace door to the border military tent, there are Wang's disjointed forces, deeply rooted in the foundation of the entire dynasty. Especially in this generation, the Wang family is not only the descendants, but also reside in the prime minister, and military power in hand. My father, a minister of two dynasties, was appointed as the left prime minister, and was named the Duke of Jingguo. And two uncles, one under the jurisdiction of the forbidden army, by the General of Wuwei; one in charge of the river salt, far south of the town. Even the court up and down and even all over the county, widely spread father's disciples. 　　To easily shake my family, I am afraid no one can do, even the emperor can not. 　　I really understand Wang as the head of the gate family, the power of the strong, it is after the death of Xie Guifei. And Zi Tama, who is a noble prince, was expelled from the palace by an imperial decree just as his mother died. 　　According to etiquette, when a mother is in mourning, she is to remain in mourning for three years. 　　In the past, the royal family did not strictly abide by this system, often only in the palace to serve three months of filial piety, can be selected from the clan instead of their own, to the mausoleum of filial piety to the end of the period, but if you want to marry, still need three years of filial piety. 　　However, Xie Guifei funeral, a decree was issued, said Zi Tanyu pure filial piety, self please go to the mausoleum, for his mother to observe three years of filial piety. 　　Auntie acted so forcefully that I never expected - she wanted to remove the thorn in the side of Zi Tan for many years, and now that Noble Consort Xie is gone, she has no scruples. 　　No matter how much I begged on my knees outside the Zhaoyang Palace, my aunt refused to change her mind. 　　I know that you never wanted Wang's daughter to marry Zitan, and that you did not want your son to have more protection through marriage. But Zilong's brother is already the Crown Prince, the unshakeable Crown Prince of the Eastern Palace, and Zitan is uncontested, and has never had the slightest desire for the throne, so I don't understand why Auntie would still be afraid of him, and refuse to even allow him to serve at his father's knee to fulfill his filial piety, and would definitely expel him from far away, and bring him away from my side. 　　For the first time in my life, I don't want to believe that the person wearing the phoenix crown in the Zhaoyang Hall is my aunt. 　　I knelt outside the Zhaoyang Hall until late at night, alarming my mother to enter the palace at night, my aunt finally came out to see me. 　　Her high and mighty face is missing the old love, eyebrows and eyes are cold and hard. She lifted my chin, "Ah Charming, aunt can love you, the Empress cannot love you." 　　"Then I beg you to be an aunt one more time and an empress one less time." I held back my tears, "Only this once." 　　"I put on this queen's crown at the age of sixteen, why would I ever take it off." She replied coldly. 　　I stiffened my posture and tears fell like rain, allowing my mother to persuade me with tears in her eyes. 　　Aunt bowed her head to my mother, couldn't see her complexion, only heard her whisper, "Eldest Princess, even if A Charming hates me today, one day she will thank me." 　　Mother choked. 　　I whisked my sleeve and got up, stepped back a few steps, looked at their sorrowful appearance under the gorgeous palace costumes, my heart was filled with despair at this cold, empty heavenly home, I could no longer speak, just shook my head slowly at my aunt - I will not hold a grudge, and I will never be grateful to her. 　　When I left Zhaoyang Hall, I thought I had one last hope - the Emperor, the Emperor who cherished Zi Tan and favored me at the same time, was my aunt and uncle. 　　I begged him to lower his decree to keep Zitama. 　　He looked at me and smiled wearily, saying that the imperial tomb was a safe place and that there was nothing wrong with keeping filial piety. 　　He sat behind the imperial case, his thin body sunk into the gilded dragon chair, like he had aged ten years overnight. 　　After Xie Guifei's death, he also fell ill, did not go to court for a long time, and is still recuperating. 　　I can't remember from when he became a gloomy old man, once upon a time will hold me in the lap, feed me new oranges of that person has gone nowhere, I can no longer see his clear and pleasant smile. He disliked his own Empress, and even the Crown Prince, and only occasionally, when he turned to Zi Tan, did he act like a loving father, rather than an inscrutable Emperor. 　　But now he allowed the Empress to expel his favorite son. 　　I don't understand what kind of father he is, what kind of emperor he is. 　　Looking at my tearful eyes, he sighed, "Ah Charming is so well-behaved, but it's a pity that she is also surnamed Wang." 　　From his eyes, I saw a trace of bodily disgust. 　　This gaze froze the rest of my pleas into ice and crushed them into ash. 　　The day Zi Tan left the capital, I didn't go to see him off, remembering that he said he would be heartbroken to see me in tears. 　　I hoped that Zi Tan would leave with a smile on his face as he always did. He was the proudest and noblest prince in my heart, and I didn't want anyone to see his sadness and tears. 　　When Zitama's carriage arrived at the Taihua Gate, my maid, Jin'er, would be waiting there. 　　I ordered Jin'er to bring a small wooden box containing an object that would accompany him on my behalf. 　　When he left the city, I quietly stood at the city gate and watched from afar as Jin'er knelt before his horse and presented the box. 　　Zi Tan took it and looked at it, stopping his horse for a long time and not moving - I couldn't see his expression. 　　Jin'er bowed toward him, as if she too had wept and said something. 　　He suddenly raised his whip and urged his horse to leave without looking back.