Chapter 1 Hysteria

　　Only one knows best when a person is going to die. 　　Xu Shanran knew she was about to die. 　　She lay on the bed with her eyes open, unable to move a finger. Consciousness of a moment of blurring, a moment of wakefulness; the scene in front of the moment is a childhood boudoir, dragon boat legs scroll grass pattern incense table on the white jade two ears three-legged incense burner bubbling with the sweetness of danggui, wearing a green twig entwined patterned jacket mother stood at the head of the bed scolding the small but also a small group of children's air of the girl; a moment of their own bedchamber elegant and luxurious and twilight of the furnishings, the bitter Sumeru incense rushed to the spirit of the heavens, the jade pi yuba the two girl's face is hidden in the After the blurred curtain, the bottom of the eyes and lips are all sad. 　　Time like water waves carried her swaying and drifting. 　　She lay, quietly waiting, constantly roaring in the ears gradually can hear the sound. It was like the cloth that covered her so tightly suddenly withdrew its threads, so that at last there were gaps for the voices to squeeze through. 　　It was the voice of her wet nurse. 　　The soft female voice appeared a bit sharp because it was suddenly raised, high and low, and it traveled far and near into Xu Shanran's ears. 　　"I just left for a moment you guys are so careless, obviously is to consider the fourth wife's good nature does not care, but do not think of delaying the girl is not you can afford to eat!" 　　"A room of people there is not a gasping not dry eating will talk! What's wrong with the girl?" 　　Covered with a layer of five-colored gauze window pane in the sunlight turning a subtle light, the courtyard shadowed by the silhouettes swaying past. 　　Xu Shanran slowly saw the furnishings of the house clearly. 　　As if the things collected in the memory jumped out one by one. 　　Sandalwood seat landscape painting screen, oblique inserted winter plum Longquan vase, hanging the old man visited the South Mountain picture and a qin of the snow like wall, in order to place the desk Qing play large desk ...... XuShanRan again laboriously turn their eyes to the people in the house. 　　A mother with a round bun stood by the bedside and smiled at her and said something, the corners of her lips were raised high but there was lingering panic on her face, the four maids all stayed in the corner, their heads hung low and didn't dare to make a sound, and their entire bodies didn't move as if they were frozen. 　　Li mom, Zhu Shi, Tang Xin, green parrot, red parrot. 　　One after another, they all left before she left the pavilion. There were those who did something wrong and were thrown out, and there were also those who were old and old and were picked up by their families to marry and provide for them. 　　Now that she thought about it, the fact that they didn't follow her to the Lin Mansion was really a good thing that deserved more incense. 　　How could she dream of being a child. 　　It's being sick and confused. 　　Xu Shanran thought this, then thought again: 　　Was it the Bodhisattva's mercy? Letting her see the place where she was born and raised again before going to hell? 　　But even the most familiar scenery, without familiar people, it is only adding to the sadness, it is better not to see. 　　She gently closed her eyes, and then opened, the bright and colorful cabinet is like a veil was gently drawn away, and then reflected in the eyes, is still very familiar with the double chi dragon group life character Luo Han bed and the window that even the leaves were counted all over the sycamore tree by her. 　　Bright and heavy brocade quilt like a layer of heavy armor on her body, under the quilt of the limbs there is not a place not flooded with acid and pain, the nose sniffing the Sumeru incense suddenly thick up, sniffing and sniffing, thoughts will be as if being pulled to the life after her marriage and one by one to reminisce about it all over again. 　　Panic, bitter, cold ...... also once had some sweet days, but ultimately and those pain, doubled into hot anger and hatred, resting within the chest, a moment not extinguished, burning heart burning lungs hot. 　　This day's weather is not bad, the couch side of the window pane was pushed open, the morning breeze just a few sycamore flowers blown into the window, fell to the quilt top. 　　Xu Shanran stared at the sycamore trees outside the window, the tall trees almost blocked the sky in front of her, and the occasional gaps of sunlight fell to the ground as if they were being given charity. 　　She remembered being extremely uncomfortable with the tall tree when she first arrived. 　　Accustomed to the openness of the north in the just married to the south of the Jiangnan always have this and that not accustomed to the weather, not accustomed to the food, not accustomed to the clothing, not accustomed to the south of the Jiangnan, not accustomed to the transformation from girl to daughter-in-law. 　　The capital of a first-class Duke of the first daughter, that is, the head of the Palace of those who may not have the birth of the Queen, married to whom the head of the family is not a high climber, not to mention that although for the family, but the adults in the family but only received a title of three products of the Yanping Lin? 　　Everyone said she married low. 　　Only she herself feel okay. 　　Even though the family is a little lower, rare is the inheritance of a long time, the rules are just like, the clan not only has forty no children can take a concubine of the ancient training, and the son-in-law is very capable, she married over the year, but also exactly is the husband's golden palace pass on the year. 　　The family, dowry, son-in-law capable, husband's family also rules and etiquette, not to mention the concubines and concubine son of the disturbances, how to see how she should be as in the Duke's House in general, to continue their own life of gold and jade. 　　There was a period of time when she was like this. 　　She and Lin Shixuan's feelings are not bad, the most affectionate time, she also bit each other's ears in the bed between the beds and said that when he became the old Fengjun of the family, will be all the trees blocking the light to cut down, the first natural is that planted in the main courtyard, half of the courtyard are densely covered with sycamore trees are said to have three hundred years. 　　But it's just a tree. 　　Lin Shixuan rubbed her, the corners of his lips and the bottom of his eyes were always that patient and meticulous smile. 　　He agreed very quickly, and then again, he was turned over in red waves and slept through the night. 　　When he opened his eyes and stared out the window for a long time, there was another flowery white color in front of him. 　　Xu Shanran wearily closed his eyes, quietly lying on the couch, not a few moments later, he felt that someone had arrived on his left side, a fine rustling sound followed in his ears, it was Yupi and Yupa conversing in a fine voice: 　　"Where is the old lady?" 　　"Still sleeping." 　　The two words fell, and the room returned to silence. 　　Xu Shanran felt that the corner of the quilt covering her body was tucked, and there were all kinds of fine sounds, intermittently containing certain odd rattles, like a broken mouth on the gas dead wind lamp, and there happened to be a wind blowing through ...... her eyes, but her eyelids seemed to have a thousand pounds of weight, and only cracked open a slit long enough for her to see the deep green in front of the window, and then it was closed once again , taking her back into darkness. 　　The voices in her ears were quite clear. 　　Yu Pi's steady voice more than a trace of urgency: "I say you this little hoof, you good reason to wipe what eyes, who gave you anger you good in front of the old lady to do this look!" 　　Followed by Yu Pa also with choking voice: "How many years sister you say this to me? I only for the old lady ......" 　　"For the old madam, then even more should not this look!" 　　"I just can't help it--" 　　As the words turned here, a third voice interjected, "Master has come over to greet old madam." 　　The room was quiet for a moment, followed by Yu Pi's voice: "Old madam is still resting, please return, master." 　　Xu Shanran, who had his eyes closed, effortlessly tugged at the corners of his lips, which seemed to twist out into an arc and flatten out again. 　　When she was young, she said that when she became an old Fengjun, she would cut down all the big trees in the courtyard that blocked the sunlight, but when she really became an old Fengjun, she looked at this big tree in the courtyard, but the more she looked at it, the more lovely she felt. 　　Maybe it is because at that time she has been like this big tree in front of her, will be their own roots are deeply rooted in the forest house, control of all the personnel of the forest house sheltered. 　　In the end, the maid in the courtyard did not block the son who was dedicated to filial piety. 　　Xu Shanran heard each other come in, kneeling on the bed to wipe tears of remorse, not far from the willingness to break the life for her well-being confession, bluffing a room of subordinates to persuade the fight, noisy for a while after Xu Shanran's ears only to restore the clean. 　　At this time is again Yu Pa pooh, quick to say: "I think if the master really have a filial piety, should not every time to come to the sky to cry and point to the sky to swear a bit, outside the people who do not know to see, but also thought that our old lady has passed away it!" 　　Yu Pi angrily said, "Do not shut up, so you do things on the line, others can not do?" 　　"That which is the same ......" Yu Pa returned a sound, the voice in the end rested, the room will no longer have the sound of conversation. 　　Is not the same. Xu Shanran thought to herself. 　　Her side of these several girls, body contract received, playing small training, day by day in front of the eyes, from tufts of children to see like a flower like jade, which is not more than that to her and fear and hate of the common people's son close to the heart and lungs? She believed that at least half of the tears they shed were for her; and she also believed that the commoner son was sincere. 　　True tears of joy. 　　How happy. 　　Pressure on the top of the first mother to die, grinding his mother to drug his mother to death of the first mother to die, control of his growth and even marriage of the first mother to die, a hand to push him on the official position and catch him can not put down the hands of power of the psychology of the first mother and day by day by the respect of the worship of the first mother to finally die. 　　After staying, staying, and finally surviving until this old hag left first, where else in the world is there something more worthy of happiness than this? 　　"Miss? Miss? Girl answer mommy, okay?" 　　"Is the girl playing games with mommy? It's time for you to get up. If you want to eat or wear something, just say so." 　　"Miss, Mrs. will be ...... soon." 　　The voice from the past came back distantly in the gap between memories. 　　Xu Shanran tried hard to recognize it clearly, but there was another unfathomable force imprisoning her in her memories. 　　There probably really wasn't much time left, and the memories circled around the memories, stirring her up a bit. 　　In her memory, she and Lin Shixuan seldom quarrel, then there are a few words, but also will not be angry over the night. 　　The man is a nobleman, the world is unmatched. 　　Those women who said she married low later heard Lin Shixuan's elegance, I do not know how much envy she will be in the hands of how much rubbed. 　　Coupled with Lin Shixuan only her a wife - as for those who pass the room courtesan, either no name or not in front of the pestle, she is not guilty of that idle anger - she really is a heart in each other's body. 　　So in the end. 　　In the end, in the knowledge that Lin Shixuan bowl after bowl of medicine want to medicine her to death, she really feel the sky fell to the ground in general. 　　Her maternal ancestor had lost his heir, and her entire family had been decimated. 　　Her mother's family was convicted by the new emperor, and most of the men were also exiled for thousands of miles. 　　However, the female members of the State Duke's family still remain in the capital, and the girls who married out were not convicted along with them. 　　That period of time, Xu Shanran will be born more than twenty years have not tasted the bitter taste all over, worried about relatives, worried about themselves, just a few days, thin to the sharp jaw. 　　It is Lin Shixuan holding her hand that the world has three to go, she will always be his original wife. 　　In fact, at this time, regardless of Lin Shixuan is to send her into the temple or a letter of repudiation, even if she hated each other bitterly ruthless, but also only speechless. 　　Marriage is a marriage of two surnames, the married woman because of her mother's family is brilliant, inevitably also because of her mother's family and the drift. 　　She can understand Lin Shixuan. 　　He has just been released from the capital, it is the time to make great achievements, but also to support the Yanping Lin, it is impossible to offend the new emperor. 　　The family temple or the letter of repudiation, she accepted. 　　But Lin Shixuan, in front of her, looking up and down, in a flash, but the life-threatening medicine and food into her hands. 　　At that time, she had been drinking for more than a month, and gradually she could not get up from her bed. Lin Shixuan every time to see her always have to warm words soft words to comfort some, she also desperately want to bring up the spirit, she still have relatives, still have children, still have a husband ...... until her personal maid kneeling in front of the footsteps, thin body fell to the ground, trembling and weeping to even words can not be said. 　　She said a lot, Xu Shanran did not believe a word. 　　Why did Lin Shixuan want to kill her? 　　She didn't have her mother's family to back her up, no matter if it was to enter the family temple or a letter of repudiation, she had no way to resist. 　　They have been married for several years, and they have been living together for many years, and there is a five-year-old son in their lap - a cat, a dog, raised for so many years, lost and injured, but also to be distressed for a while, let alone the wife of the day to day sharing the same bed, not to mention the wife. 　　Lin Shixuan chest heart is black, cold, or empty to do such a thing?