Chapter 2 Family Members

　　Seo Sun Ran fell back into that drifting feeling of not knowing where she was. 　　The scenery around her blurred into shades of color, and she was enveloped in it, gradually losing her physical senses. 　　She could more or less feel someone coming to her side, saying something in a loud voice, but no matter how carefully she listened, she couldn't discern it clearly. 　　Only to continue thinking about Lin Shixuan. 　　So much time, so many things, outlawing, parenting, poisoning, losing a son, sharing a bed, then turning against each other. She sent her father-in-law away, boiled her mother-in-law to death, and then pretended, lied, and teamed up with outsiders to defeat that man. 　　The closest thing to a couple is a husband and wife. 　　Watching that man from hesitation to stunned collapse, watching that man from the appearance of the world to the bone thin and fragmented, she finally did not want to be so happy. 　　Maybe it is too long to pretend, lied to others also lied to themselves, lied to the exhaustion of feelings. 　　Maybe it is too much to learn, learn his cold heart cold feelings and wisdom, learned to boil dry the blood of the heart. 　　In the end, love is also faded, hate is also faded, Lin Shixuan and even the gloomy and dreary Lin House for her, are only like a fish bone stuck in the throat, do not vomit quickly. 　　Lin Shixuan fell that day, for her should be happy. 　　But what was there after that? 　　Nothing. 　　When there is no one around to share with, more wealth, talent, power, are just like the wind end of the green apples, the pool on the willow flakes, no root and no source. 　　Xu Shanran still clearly remember that day. 　　That day, the personal maid kneeling in front of the bed, shivering will know all the things told her, said Lin Shixuan how in the medicine porridge plus the thing that is incompatible, to let her die without a trace. 　　She did not want to believe, could not believe, did not dare to believe! 　　One is her husband, one is the heart, if she still has her mother's family to rely on, she can boldly check things out. 　　But she no longer had her mother's family to rely on. 　　The only thing left, the only thing left, was her husband, did he love her, or did he want to kill her? 　　Xu Shanran finally made a request when Lin Shixuan came to see her. 　　She wished to receive her mother's family to Yanping. 　　Her mother's family had been convicted of a crime, and all the male members of the first son and grandson had been sentenced to exile, except for her concubine brother, who had been able to be pardoned and stay in the capital to take care of his family because of his kindness to the new emperor. 　　In her impression, this is just an honest, and she did not have much contact with the concubine brother. 　　However, with her first mother and birth mother present, and a concubine son in charge, even if this concubine son had not shown any disrespect in those past years, she was able to think of her own mother's days. 　　It was only feared that how much respect and honor the first mother had in the past, how much disrespect would be shown to the first mother in the future. 　　The idea of bringing her mother here had been on her mind when she received the news, but she hadn't spoken of it until this moment. 　　And then-- 　　Lin Shixuan answered. Without changing his face or hesitation, he hugged her and answered her with a loud good word. 　　It was too much like in the beginning when he promised her to cut down the sycamore tree in his bed. 　　As soon as she lifted her eyes, she could still see the tenderness that vaguely flickered in the other's eyes, so sincere. 　　Xu Shanran almost indulged in such tenderness. 　　Then in the boundless and warmth, she slowly woke up and felt a little chill from the bottom of her heart, which in turn flowed all around her body along with her blood, calling her hands and feet cold. 　　She had only gotten news from her mother's righteous brother a few days ago. 　　The Xu family members who had been sent to the border had been killed on the way to the border, and there was not a single survivor, including the officials who escorted them. 　　Her mother went to her death when she got the news. 　　The new emperor was outraged and issued a decree to investigate the case, and the only remaining son of the Xu family was promoted to show his favor. 　　In the time it took for her brother to find his way over, this big case had become the talk of the town after tea. 　　There was no way Lin Shixuan didn't know about it. 　　Lin Shixuan was lying to her. 　　How could he lie to her so rightfully and without artifice? 　　At this time, ten or so days had passed since the incident with the Xu family, and ten days had passed since her mother threw herself into a hanging. 　　Her righteous brother had gone AWOL after the Xu family's accident and absconded all the way in from the border, and when he found her again, he was able to inquire about the matter clearly. 　　And the end of the stay at home, her husband is Zhanzhengfu less Zhanzheng, for the fourth-grade woman of the life of her even her parents died out did not know. 　　No one could understand the terror in her heart at that moment. 　　What she saw, what she heard, what is true? 　　Is she the clay Bodhisattva in the temple, all year round, as long as anyone tributes three incense seasonal vegetables and fruits, will be able to close their eyes, cover their ears, and show a dignified smile? 　　What kind of person was Lin Shixuan? 　　Her husband in the end is what kind of person? 　　Xu Shan then came to think about it for a long time, looked at it for a long time, and finally slowly came to understand. 　　His heart was indeed black, cold, and empty. 　　Even if there was still a little bit of warmth, it never stayed on her body. 　　To Lin Shixuan, women are truly like clothes, there is always a new one when one is old, and even better when one is broken. 　　In his mind, ranked first is always his monstrous power full of ambition, ranked second also have Yanping Lin's, and the rest are like dust and grass, not worth a chip. 　　Lin Shixuan is a very powerful person, Xu Shanran has never denied this point. As someone who was only one step away from entering the cabinet and becoming the youngest chancellor in history, he was qualified to receive this praise. 　　But he ultimately failed. 　　Having come this far, who was a fool? As long as there is a crack, either of them can seize the opportunity to pry it into a Prime Crack. 　　In Xu Shanran's heart, there was smoothness and complacency, though not for long, but in the end it was there. 　　She looked at the man who fell down stunned and neutralized at once, and thought a lot in an instant. 　　In the time when he wanted to drug her to death because of her mother's family's defeat both for her reputation and for her favor, and because the princess looked at him, he hurriedly stopped and cured her; in the time when he was in the study because he knew that she was watching from outside, and he wept to his inner circle and told her parents' things, saying "my life is hanging by a thread, I dare not say and dare not not say"; in the time when they watched the small body of a child lose its last bit of warmth, she thought a lot about him and how she had been treated. When they watched the little child's body lose its last bit of warmth and she vomited several mouthfuls of red, he still rubbed her and comforted her with a deep voice. 　　He must not have thought that he would end up like this. 　　How could Seo Sun Ran ever think of that? 　　From beginning to end, she was as golden as ever in the eyes of outsiders. When her mother's family was not in trouble, she had a great family in the empire; when her mother's family was in trouble, her husband's family was as powerful as the sky. 　　It's a good life. 　　Everyone outside said this about her. 　　But she lost her father, her mother, her son... 　　In the end, there is only a concubine born concubine son, in her bedside cry in the open, secretly laugh, day and night hope that she will die early. 　　Xu Shanran was not very angry. 　　This commoner son's path she has long been arranged, he is crying or laughing, is singing or reading are not very relevant. 　　People in this life, eyes blind once is enough. 　　As for herself. 　　What hasn't she experienced and enjoyed? 　　It's almost time to go down. Go down to see, see parents, see children, they will think she came too slowly? Will they not recognize her who has long lost her original face? 　　Blurred into a cloud in front of her eyes suddenly bright, as if a hand appeared out of thin air to dispel the fog. 　　Xu Shanran saw a woman standing in front of her bed. 　　That woman is slightly fat, round face, head inserted white jade Guanyin full pool of delicate distraction and two or three grass bug hairpin, both ears hanging a pair of red gold inlaid jeweled magnolia pendant, covered with a rolled silver edge lotus root lotus color dark flower gauze embroidered birds and flowers cape, underneath the bottom of the wear an eggplant-colored dickey jacket. 　　Her brows were knitted, her fair and round face was filled with worry, her hands gently patted Xu Shanran's shoulders and arms, her rouged lips were parted and parted, Xu Shanran could not hear what the other party was saying, but she was able to recognize the other party's mouth shape. 　　She was calling Sister Shan Er. 　　She was calling her name. 　　Mother, mother, mother ...... 　　Like a pot of boiling water rolling up, the moment Xu Shanran saw the person, her mind tossed back and forth with this word, her eyes and heart occupied by the familiar yet unfamiliar face in front of her. 　　The lake of her heart, which had been calm for a long time, was suddenly stirred up, sourness spreading from the tip of her heart all the way to her eyes, but her dry eyes could not shed a single tear for a long time. 　　She lifted her hand if she wanted to. 　　Wipe away the sorrow and trepidation from her mother's brow. 　　She also wanted to open her mouth, so she opened it. 　　Say a long overdue word, tell her mother not to be afraid. 　　Don't be afraid, there's still me after father's death, I'm coming, mother wait for me, don't go, don't leave me alone. 　　But her body was tightly bound by invisible chains, and she was led to continue floating, walking, the worried face of her mother in front of her was suddenly replaced by the smiling face of Lin Shixuan. 　　Thin to protruding jawbone cheeks have vaguely crawled out of wrinkles, smiled and then no longer burning grace, only a pair of eyes are still sharp Lin Shixuan. 　　Those sharp eyes looked at her as if they could pierce through her clothes and flesh and blood, all the way into her heart. 　　But she sat on the begonia embroidered pier beside the bed and smiled slightly as she locked eyes with Lin Shixuan. 　　She had long been unafraid of this man. 　　That was when Lin Shixuan was dying. 　　"I'm about to die." The man lying on the bed said emotionally, his voice spilling out of his mouth like rusted brass clashing against each other, hoarse and dark. 　　It was another sunny day. The entire mansion was worried because of the deterioration of the master's condition, and with fewer florists tending to it, the sycamore tree in the courtyard was sticking its branches into the swastika-carved window panes. 　　Lin Shixuan stared at the sporadic green color on the branches and suddenly asked Xu Shanran, ''Didn't you say you wanted to cut down all the sycamore trees in the courtyard? How come it's still growing after so long?" 　　"Father and mother both like them, and I'm leaving them behind as a sign of filial piety to father and mother." Xu Shanran sat on the embroidery pier. Her long skirt hid her embroidered shoes as she sat up straight on her shoulders and back, tilting her head sideways as she spoke calmly to Lin Shixuan. 　　Lin Shixuan laughed and coughed in the middle of his laugh, and it took a while for him to ease up, laughing and sighing again, "Xu Shanran, there's always been one thing I don't understand." 　　"You are much more intelligent than I expected. Honestly, I didn't expect that the one who defeated me in the end would actually be you, not Wei Shuihui or Feng Qingyuan." He said slowly. 　　"But because of this, you should understand even more that there was no need for you to defeat me at all. You know it ...... well that I became a cabinet minister, can I still repudiate my wife? Could it still want to kill the wife? I can't do the court, do they still miss your good, help you all the time? These years I lie in bed has been thinking, Xu Shanran, since you are smart enough to guess my handwriting that day, and those things will be organized to pass out, how can you not see through this point? --And if you didn't see through that, how could you have put those things together and passed them on to those two traitors!" 　　"How far a widow's wife is from the wife of a cabinet minister!" 　　"Xu Shan Ran, you can wait for me to become the court old man, you can wait for your commoner son to grow up to be able to support the family, you can first be a word to say that all people should be a word to laugh at all the people and the wife of the court old man, and then fully enjoy the grief and glory of my death....... However, at this time, at this time, I collapsed, in addition to the breath you But this time, this time, I fell, you can not only out of breath, but also what can get? What on earth are you thinking!" 　　Xu Shanran's gaze gently touched on Lin Shixuan's face and moved away, not because of avoidance, it was just meaningless. 　　What exactly was she thinking? 　　What exactly did she get out of it? 　　In order to pull this man down, she learns everything about the other side, learns a lot, learns the other side's thoughts, acts in a way, she leans towards the other side little by little, becomes exactly the same as him, becomes close to his heart and lungs ...... but she is not Lin Shixuan. 　　She is not Lin Shixuan. She is pitiful again, but also pitiful not Lin Shixuan's appearance. 　　She slowly said, "Do you remember what you once said to me at the Mid-Autumn Festival banquet? That year was the seventh year of Qiguang ...... right, the year before you collapsed. On that day, the minister of the household department, Song Ting, came to look for you, I know, this person is usually a corrupt and despicable official, harsh underlings, and disrespectful to his superiors, even if he has a good family background, he can not be an official for a long time." 　　"He usually doesn't have much friendship with you. But when he was impeached by the wind of the magistrate and looked for all the bystanders to come to you again, you agreed." 　　"Why? When I asked you, you told me 'Why not do what comes with the hand?' , and laughed and said 'General today for the pawn back suction pus sores, pawn tomorrow will be for the general sand field hundred battles to go, horse leather wrapped corpse return'......" 　　"These things, I also thought for a long time before I figured it out. So many years of warmth and love, so many years of thoughtfulness and tenderness, only that night, you really told me the truth. You to my those, but also is just a matter of hand, hand for. I for you to preside over the feeds, take care of the family affairs, raise children, this is not enough, when the need arises, you want me to use my life to return you to this handy for." 　　"If you really love me, value me, honor me, worry about my worries, suffer my pain, I will give up this life to you, so what?" 　　"But no. Lin Shixuan, you never loved me, let alone valued me and honored me, worried about me and suffered." 　　"Lin Shixuan, a lone wolf who has lost his wife still has to wail and wander through the night refusing to go, and a lamb and crow have the grace of kneeling and feeding. And you? For you, ethics, morality, conscience, blood, hatred, righteousness, what can compare to your ambition and ambition?" 　　"Or rather, what can compare to your desire to fill the gulf even if the depths of the ocean are heavy?" 　　"Hahahahahahahaha!" Lin Shixuan laughed long and loud, and said in a hateful voice afterward, "Is that all? Xu Shanran, I said you are smart, but you are foolish! You accuse me of being heartless and unrighteous, but what is the difference between what you did to me in the end and what I did to you the day before? You are just like me, why do you accuse me? Even if the king loses the enemy, you beat me out of my chest to exhaust the evil gas hate idea, I also only think you woman's opinion ...... but you do not! No, I don't! Not! I lost, I lost, I lie in the sickbed can not get up, you are not complacent and happy - in that case, why do you want to break you and my road to the clouds! What's the point of all you've done!" 　　What's the point? 　　Yes, there is. 　　In the destruction of her home, in the final moments of her father's death and her mother's loss, the husband she had always relied on and had always loved with all her heart had upended her entire heaven and earth and faith. 　　How agonizing. 　　It was like a pain that twisted flesh and blood and soul, a pain that made her wish she could die the next moment. 　　But she did not die. 　　She cracked her bones one by one and put them back together again, tore off her blood and flesh and glued them back together. 　　She tore off her blood and flesh and glued them back together again. She plucked out all the attachment in her body and soul to a man called "Lin Shixuan". 　　At this point, what glory, wealth and power can attract her to move? 　　She is not happy, because for Lin Shixuan's all the bone-deep hate along with the bone-deep love, long ago left her far away. 　　She is still in pain, because there is always something in this world that she can not forget and can not be cut off, her relatives, just those relatives, her relatives who have passed away, how can she not forget them, but she can no longer see them. 　　Many years of time, she more and more understand Lin Shixuan, but Lin Shixuan no longer understand her; she more and more like Lin Shixuan, but never Lin Shixuan. 　　The more she understood this man, the more she learned the coldness and cruelty of the other side. 　　The more she understands this man, the more she loathes his indifference and cruelty. 　　So in the end, the red robe wedding couple swallow good, zither and chord children around the knee, round and round to the end, she for Lin Shixuan, only indifference and disgust two words. 　　In the end, she did not answer, only looked at the bed angry eyes round eyes Lin Shixuan. 　　Back to the light of the man with all his strength, hissed: "I young court training with candlelight night reading, and to learn rich five car gold list high school, I step by step for the camp to count all the organs, I am just one step away from being the first minister in charge of the world power and authority! I am not willing! I'm not happy! I am not willing! ......" 　　The light blooming outside the house leaks a small piece into the window, outlining a bright light flame on the ground and then leaps up to the branches, pointing out a little golden awn in the leaf tips. 　　A cool breeze blew her skirt and tent. 　　The man who had been shouting for a long time suddenly showed a muddled face, his half-straight body fell back to the bed, and his voice became muffled all of a sudden. 　　Xu Shanran listened for a long time before hearing clearly that the other party was muttering the words of a sage. 　　"...... Seeing good, Xiu Ran must be in order to self storage also; Seeing bad, countenance must be in order to self introspection also. When goodness is in the body, the mediator must be good to himself; when badness is in the body, the calamity must be evil to himself.1 ......" 　　She reached out and brushed the dust off her skirt. 　　①: from "Xunzi - Cultivating the Body 　　When you see goodness, you must save yourself; when you see badness, you must examine yourself. When you see goodness, you must save yourself; when you see badness, you must examine yourself. When you see goodness, you must save yourself; when you see badness, you must countenance yourself.